Coming up with things to blog about is usually pretty difficult for me. There is nothing really cool about my life. But then I finally realized I live in the best city in the world. Not New York, not Paris (although that would be awesome) but Chicago. This gave me the best blogging idea ever. I’m gonna teach you how to go to Chicago and not stick out as a tourist.
First thing is first. It’s pronounced Chicaaaaago not Chi-coh-go. Sorry, I just had to get that pet peeve out of the way.
We’re also not too picky on grammar. When you’re in Chicago you should always end your sentence with an unnecessary prepositional phrase. For example, “Where is my coat at” or “You wanna come with?” This may sound wrong to you, but in Chicago, this is perfect grammar.
You may wonder what teams you should cheer for while you’re here because we have to many. This is an easy one, if the team has a DA in front of it, it means they’re DA best. For example: DA Bears, Da Bulls, Da Blackhawks, Da Sox, but never ever DA Cubs. You may come across a dilemma called bi-week. You will be confused, what football team should you cheer for? Again the answer is simple. Look at the game schedules. Who are the Packers playing against? Cheer for them.
Now on to my favorite topic, food. The first thing you need to order when you get here is a Chicago Dog. These hot dogs include: mustard, onion, relish, tomatoes, cucumbers (sometimes), celery salt, sports peppers, and a dill pickle spear. Some ingredients are not offered at all places but there is one thing you will never see offered on a Chicago Dog: Ketchup. Many say it’s a crime again everything Chicago to put ketchup on a Chicago style Dog. But I’ll let you in on a little secret. I eat my dog with ketchup. I know, it’s shameful. Let’s keep that secret to ourselves.
After you’ve eaten that little bit of heaven you need to get onto the L (the train) and go to either Lou Malnati’s, Giordano’s, or Gino’s East. Here they will introduce you to deep-dish pizza. It will make New York style pizza look like cardboard with some cheese on it. Once you go Chicago Style Pizza, you never go back.
Congratulations! You now know all you need to know about being a Chicagoan! Now all that’s left is to come and visit. Look me up, we can eat pizza and heckle the Packers until sun comes up!